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《女人,房子,一部小说》

《女人,房子,一部小说》 威廉.格纳齐诺『德国』著 刘海宁译 译林出版社

一段男人的成长历程,一个温柔颓败的爱情故事,一部略带自嘲的艺术家小说。

我想说,我像格纳奇诺的方式来写文字,来叙述我读到这本书的一系列过程。

我走向了校门口,我问自己,为什么要走进去,我不知道。但是,一不自觉,我已经走了进去。这是一件悲哀的事情还是值得庆幸的事情,我不知道,或许这是关于未来的事情。门口的保安,站在那里,手里拿着嘴里咬着一个大苹果,我突然想到了蛀虫的样子,十分吓人的肥胖的黑乎乎的样子。我其实是很想笑出来的,一看到他的眼神,却怎么也笑不出来了。

我在图书馆找了个位置,坐了下来。突然发现这一排排书过分安静,仿佛调戏起我的心绪,过来吧,过来吧。我按奈住了一种冲动,很仔细地翻着手中的《女人,房子,一部小说》,威廉.格纳齐若写的,关于一位德国男性的混乱生活。一位白天当学徒,晚上记者的场景,一位17岁的小伙子,他喜欢散步,我也喜欢散步。散步真是一件美妙的事情,难道散步也是一种巧合,看来,我在极力拉拢同这位小伙子的关系。在图书馆的三楼,望着梯口的少女,我微笑地看着她的马尾甩起来,觉得特别美妙。其实,我更想猜测她手上的书是什么样的,不要放着一本博尔赫斯小说集和一本自然哲学,那一定是偶然的事件。我此刻也在拉拢这位姑娘同我靠近。尽管一个人的心有许多的窟窿,但是我们看上去是那么的完整。

我在尽力挽回自己的正当思考,关于职业的,关于衣服的,关于学习的,这是眼前的蔓延。而不是关于生存的意义的,关于幸福的,关于爱情的,这些太遥远了。很久,我才想起了一句话:那条少走的路。又是未来的事件,仿佛现在无路可走的样子。我没有听任何歌,只是安静地读着关于一个德国男人的生活和想着自己所谓的正当思考。我再十分努力地想想。很久了,还是只想起了:那条少走的路。那条路在在哪里,我也不知道,我得走走才知道。我很认真地想了想,确实是这样的。一个正在走着的走着的德国男人,是站着走着的,而不是,从爬起到站着走的。站着跟爬着是迥异的俩事件,至少说,我们也是从爬着过了,再站起来了,可能到最后,还是拄着拐杖。这并不重要,对于现在来说。因为现在我感到有些寒冷。

读到与琳达的酒吧对话,我便想起了这些微乎其微的形象。我也想到了《小王子》寻找图画的场景,手里拿着纸张,能帮我画只羊吗?我的大脑里充斥着,这样微乎其微的形象。关于寻找的。但是,现在我也已经不再想那条少走的路,仿佛已经忘记了弗罗斯特一样,还有他那些昏黄的灯光一般,十分凄清,却又显得明亮。

或许我一抬头,会望见那位站着走路的德国男人,寻找他的女人,房子,哪怕只是租来的,一部小说。他想要的是一些实在的物质,而不是裴多菲式的爱情知识。可是,延伸到一种更深远的内心,不禁觉得,这样一来,更加容易一无所有。貌似没了女人就没了爱情,没了房子就没了家,没了小说就没了灵魂,我想这是关于梦想和现实最近的距离。

如果我十分较真地在这里跟你诉说关于他的样子他的奋斗,那岂不是太浪费了你的心情和时间。

说得实在些,我花了三个半小时,读完了这本书,花了45分钟写下这些文字。仿佛也像走路一般,而且是站着走路的,我自认为是这些时间赋予我的意义。

雨还在下,不太粘乎,却很冷。不行,我得回去添件衣服,而不是在这抱怨天气真冷,我想那抱怨是对现实的逃避。

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